...doesn't mean I have to like it.
My grandmother is dying.
Last year she was diagnosed with KOL, and we knew it would only go downwards from there.Still
... She was given at least 6 years. That was if everything went smoothly.
But of course nothing goes smoothly. Life wouldn't suck this much if it did.
I don't want to write all the depressive details. It's depressive enough for me as it is.
I feel so empty inside, I can't even cry.
That despite I just got off the phone with my mother. Telling me Granma probably wont last until Christmas.
She is not even 70 yet.
I have a lot of mixed emotions in this.
As a child, I didn't grow up knowing her much. Mostly because my father and mother did not get along.
She is my mothers mother, my only grandmother still alive.
The grandmother, my fathers mother, that I knew and really loved. She was taken from me when I was barely 11.
I got to know Grandmother after I turned 15. We spoke more and...
Now she can barely talk.
I can still remember a few years back, before she was diagnosed and removed from her own home, unable to live by herself.
I still remember how I met up with her, I was pregnant and she was so proud, looking forward to her first great grandson.
I visited her again with him when he was half a year. He doesn't remember of course.
I am not even certain how well she remembers him anymore.
She got worse so fast. First state of alzheimer showing its ugly head.
This coming November, Nov 1st to be more specific, I am going to go see her.
I was told it is my last chance, since she is in and out of it all the time.
I am sorry this is such a sad update, now that I finally do update my journal.
I guess I just had to write somewhere.
Somewhere where people could read, instead of me closing myself in as I tend to do.